Alice In WHAT?

These are from Versace summer. So you KNOW they cost a bloody fortune. They are supposed to be Alice in Wonderland inspired, but I think that's their nice way of saying they're ACID inspired. My problems with these are many:

1. WTF platform toe? That platform looks like an overgrown hoof. No really, I've seen lots of them.

2. ... no, sorry, I just can't even get past the hoof toe.

Try Not To Barf...

These reptile print gladiator sandals are a mere $22 and change from Forever 21. They come in 2 other colors of rept-vile print-- black, and green. I kinda feel like the yellow ones are the most heinous though.

I think I've got it...gladiator sandals are not only styled like the sandals gladiators wore, but they are designed to make us want to throw them to the lions, too. Or anyone who happens to be wearing them...

Forever 21 actually has a pretty wide selection of cheap gladiator sandals. It sort of turned my stomach to see them all. However, if you are going to follow ridiculous ugly trends I guess at least they are cheap?

Torrid Pink Snakeskin Uglies

First of all, I understand how this monstrosity happened. As a plus sized gal myself, and frequent Torrid shopper, I have noticed an odd trend in their pieces. It seems as though they've gotten so into "we are plus sized bodacious FIERCE babes!!!!!!!! raaarrr! girl power!" and "plus sized girls can push fashion envelopes just like anyone else!!!" that they very often have really over the top, insane looking trainwreck pieces. Case in point...this fugly shoe. It's like...how many "fashiony" elements can we cram into one shoe?! Ick. The Finella Gladiator in Pink Snakeskin retails for $39.

To Torrid's credit, these Fugella (err excuse me, Finella) also comes in brown and black, which does look better than pink snake, but not by much.

Taking Jungle Fever To A New Level

What is going ON here? These shoes make my head hurt (and my eyes bleed). You have heel, you have a myriad of straps (just THINK of the tan lines), and you have that god awful snake print, and there's that "nifty" weaving down the front (which actually makes it look like there's a friggin snake on your foot-- sexy kinda...ew.)


Looks like somone over at Dolce Vita got a little strap-happy. And none of them are even functional. The entry to this shoe?

A zipper. Of course!