Try Not To Barf...

These reptile print gladiator sandals are a mere $22 and change from Forever 21. They come in 2 other colors of rept-vile print-- black, and green. I kinda feel like the yellow ones are the most heinous though.

I think I've got it...gladiator sandals are not only styled like the sandals gladiators wore, but they are designed to make us want to throw them to the lions, too. Or anyone who happens to be wearing them...

Forever 21 actually has a pretty wide selection of cheap gladiator sandals. It sort of turned my stomach to see them all. However, if you are going to follow ridiculous ugly trends I guess at least they are cheap?

At Least They Breathe?

Aw look, a poor unfortunate kitten heeled pump got stuck in a fishing net-- oh wait. No.

That's part of the shoe. Oh brother.

Mother's Day Ideas...

#1. Not This.

Memo to "Hot Fash" (yes that's their real name...) shoes...you cannot take a boring, hideous HOOF of a shoe, stick it on a platform and a stiletto, and call it fashion. You just. Can't.

Who does a girl have to flash some cleave at to get this bootie trend to go away?

I Err...Uh...

I think I'm finally speechless? These boots by Report look like something covered by health insurance. You know, those walking casts? They also remind me of shipping boots for horses, which are pillowy leg wraps to keep horses from injuring their legs while being trailored.

But wait, there's more. They come in camo print too. At least Macy's has the decency to put these fuglies on sale. They are now $42, which is still about -$500 too much for these things, because someone would have to pay me $500 just to be seen in them. They used to retail for $120. Wow, um...a little ambitious there eh Report?

Darth Shoe

Darth Vader

Proenza Flat Zip Sandals - $1050

AM I RIGHT???????

Fringe Fries

Ok guys, Christian Louboutin is clearly just fucking with you.

These are a $1,095 hot mess.

Torrid Pink Snakeskin Uglies

First of all, I understand how this monstrosity happened. As a plus sized gal myself, and frequent Torrid shopper, I have noticed an odd trend in their pieces. It seems as though they've gotten so into "we are plus sized bodacious FIERCE babes!!!!!!!! raaarrr! girl power!" and "plus sized girls can push fashion envelopes just like anyone else!!!" that they very often have really over the top, insane looking trainwreck pieces. Case in point...this fugly shoe. It's like...how many "fashiony" elements can we cram into one shoe?! Ick. The Finella Gladiator in Pink Snakeskin retails for $39.

To Torrid's credit, these Fugella (err excuse me, Finella) also comes in brown and black, which does look better than pink snake, but not by much.