Crime Against Shoemanity

These were submitted in by an alert, shoe-conscious reader. Holy shit guys, wow. They are by Free People--

Oh god. Where do I start? Tacky lace print, random cut-out for no apparent reason...? Also, this may just because this particular model has the skinniest damn legs I've ever seen, but look what happens when you view from the front:

They look positively DUMPY!!! Don't you think her toes look slightly ashamed?

Alice In WHAT?

These are from Versace summer. So you KNOW they cost a bloody fortune. They are supposed to be Alice in Wonderland inspired, but I think that's their nice way of saying they're ACID inspired. My problems with these are many:

1. WTF platform toe? That platform looks like an overgrown hoof. No really, I've seen lots of them.

2. ... no, sorry, I just can't even get past the hoof toe.

Go Green!...in the face.

I'm pretty sure this is not what people mean when they urge others to go green.

And just. Why so strapped? ....

$30 (about $29 too many) on GoJane.com. And don't get me wrong, I love GoJane. But these? THESE! No.