Alice In WHAT?

These are from Versace summer. So you KNOW they cost a bloody fortune. They are supposed to be Alice in Wonderland inspired, but I think that's their nice way of saying they're ACID inspired. My problems with these are many:

1. WTF platform toe? That platform looks like an overgrown hoof. No really, I've seen lots of them.

2. ... no, sorry, I just can't even get past the hoof toe.

Festive F-Me Pumps

Ok seriously.

Corn isn't something I want to associate with shoes/my feet, candy or otherwise. So WTF ARE THESE????

Unfortunately for you people out there with no taste, I have no idea where these came from or how much they cost. Consider that a blessing, because I do not want to be responsible for someone buying/wearing these!!!

I Err...Uh...

I think I'm finally speechless? These boots by Report look like something covered by health insurance. You know, those walking casts? They also remind me of shipping boots for horses, which are pillowy leg wraps to keep horses from injuring their legs while being trailored.

But wait, there's more. They come in camo print too. At least Macy's has the decency to put these fuglies on sale. They are now $42, which is still about -$500 too much for these things, because someone would have to pay me $500 just to be seen in them. They used to retail for $120. Wow, um...a little ambitious there eh Report?